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Don’t Embarrass Yourself! Here Are 8 Things You Need To Know

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1. How To Pronounce That Darn Town Name

Let’s begin with addressing the elephant in the room: How do people accurately pronounce Fuquay-Varina without mortally embarrassing themselves and sending strangers into a pearl-clutching frenzy? As it turns out, the correct pronunciation is FEW-kway vuh-REE-nah. Get it right, because if a local hears you say “Foo-quay” you’ll likely get run over by a squatted truck (just kidding) (maybe).

Other names that might give you an ulcer? Rhamkatte is pronounced “Ram Cat,” Angier is pronounced “An-jur,” and meme sounds like “seem.” Pay attention, that last one is important.

2. How to Properly Execute A U-Turn

Oh, you just moved to Holly Springs? I hope you like U-turns, because that’s your life now. A few years back town engineers introduced Holly Springs to “superstreets,” which are non-traditional intersections in which traffic is prohibited from going straight through or left at a divided highway intersection (in other words, you can’t turn left). The logic? Superstreets are said to be safer and more cost effective, but the best part is obviously watching a woman in a tracksuit struggle to not hit every curb in town in her Honda Odyssey.

3. Yes, Karen, Those Are Test Sirens

Okay, so I can’t say that it’s ALWAYS going to be a test siren, but Shearon Harris Nuclear Power Plant intermittently conducts full-volume siren tests on Wednesday mornings that can last up to three minutes. Despite the fact that the test schedule is readily available on the plant’s website and the HSPD and FVPD often post about them beforehand, there are always a few residents that light up social media about the possibility of CERTAIN DEATH every Wednesday afternoon. Don’t panic, just check the schedule in advance, and remember that we’re much more likely to die sitting in traffic.

4. Where To Work On Your Winter Bod

Look, I’m not saying we’re the Ina Garten of the Triangle or anything, but both Fuquay and Holly Springs have some pretty amazing places to get fat. Make sure to wear your stretchy pants to the Mason Jar Tavern (both in Fuquay and Holly Springs), Los Po’s Mexican Restaurant, Pints (offering ice cream and beer), Abbey Road Tavern and Grill, The Aviator Smokehouse, Stick Boy Bread Company and Zeera Indian Restaurant just to name a few. Also make sure to participate in the time-honored tradition of hitting up Bojangles and parking your oversized truck at Cookout on a Friday night.

5. Where To Get A Beer

This area is known for its bars and breweries, so put down that glass of chardonnay, let go of your highfalutin ways and prepare to grow a beer gut. In Holly Springs, check out Carolina Brewing Company, Bombshell Beer Company, Black Dog Bottle Shop, Tapline Growler and Bass Lake Draft House. In Fuquay-Varina, visit Mason Jar Lager Company, Aviator Tap House, Fainting Goat Brewing Company, The Mill, The Corner Biergarten, Oaklyn Springs Brewery, Cellar 55 and Vicious Fishes Brewery,Taproom and Kitchen. I told you, we don’t mess around.

6. Where To Shop Local

Holly Springs and Fuquay-Varina residents are all about shopping at local “ma and pa shops” whenever possible. In Holly Springs, support small business by frequenting Thanks A Latte Coffee & Gift Boutique, Bless Your Heart Boutique, Gifted Boutique and Wrappery and Mama Bird’s Cookies + Cream. In Fuquay-Varina, check out Shoppes on Main, Chocolate Fix, Drive Bru and FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, make the journey to Angier for some Sunni Sky’s Ice Cream (when it’s in season). Half the fun is finding these local gems on your own, so grab some cash and hit the backroads (don’t get on 55, that’s madness). You’ll have a “Shop Local” bumper sticker in no time.

7. Distinguishing Between Fuquay And Varina

In case you’re unaware, Fuquay-Varina is made up of two different towns and neither one of them is named “Aviator.” I don’t plan on boring you with all the historical details, so don’t go flushing this pretty little magazine down the toilet. To make a long story short, Fuquay Springs and Varina merged in 1963, but any local will tell you that each downtown has its own vibe.

If you’re surrounded by Aviator, you’re in Varina. If you’re stuffing pastries in your face at Stick Boy Bread Company, you’re in Fuquay. Pretty easy to remember, right? Just don’t forget the hyphen, or “dash,” between the names. Seriously, you’ll never hear the end of it.

8. How To Take A Joke

In case you couldn’t already tell from this article, this corner of Wake County is known for its sense of humor. With a name like Fuquay-Varina floating around, how could we not be?

Whether it’s the FVPD’s strong GIF game or the Fuquay-Varina Memes page on Facebook (shameless plug), all the people, pigs, peacocks, horses and chickens in this area are expected to be able to take a joke. Do you wear athleisure wear to Target? Laugh about it, Karen. Do you have a Salt Life sticker on your truck despite living 131 miles from the coast? Own it, Todd! This is a safe place for laughter, so let your freak flag fly high and proud (provided it’s in accordance with the HOA rules and regulations).

1 Comment

  • Rob Kaufman says:

    WOW. This is great. LOVE the sense of humor, wit and sarcasm. Sound s like something I would write. Thanks for this. Moving there next week.

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