The vast majority of you reading this should be working or doing laundry. Don’t deny it. I roped you in with the “Frequently Asked Questions” title because you’re all nosy stalkers at heart.
Instead of being productive, here you are jumping to the sordid back pages of the magazine when you really should be on Teams or cleaning out your filthy car.
If you’re trying to figure out why a classy publication like Main & Broad would continue to publish unhinged content, month after month, then read on and hear my story. Just kidding, they made a deal with a devil at a crossroads, and I’m their eternal punishment (obviously).
Anyways, as I’m sure you can guess, my inbox on both Instagram and Facebook is always full with meme ideas, funny pictures, and questions. Many, many questions. Because time is of the essence I’m lazy, here are the top five I’m willing to answer, because a little bit of mystery is sexy rednecks be crazy, and anonymity is how I sleep at night.
Without further ado, here are the TOP 5 questions I have received as Fuquay Memes.
WHO ARE YOU, AND WHY IS IT A SECRET?
When I first started meme-ing on Facebook back in 2016, I had no intention of being anonymous. I figured I’d have a max of 50 followers, and most would be my own Facebook friends who I invited to like the page. I thought it would just be a “look what I did” type of thing; my friends and I would HAHAHAHA, and then we’d forget the page existed.
That was not to be. I shared the page in one group, and from there it “went viral,” because obviously memes are life.
2016 was an election year, and I figured everyone needed something to laugh at, so the timing was just right. After accumulating a few hundred followers, the Chads and the Karens of the world took my jokes very personally (duh), and as the page continued to grow, the dark side of the internet creeped up in an uncomfortable way.
If people knew my name, would I be doomed to a life of getting my Cookout tray knocked out of my hands by irritated locals? These thoughts (and more) cemented my decision to go exclusively by “FVM.”
It’s worked out — my followers can now imagine I’m the hero they deserve instead of the anxiety-ridden troll surrounded by empty tubs of pimiento cheese that I actually am.
These arrows prove that generations of rednecks are to blame for what you’re reading
WHERE ARE YOU FROM?
I don’t know how many times I’ve had to answer this question, but it keeps coming up. Since I started FVM, I’ve had a lot of people assume things about me. The locals assume I’m a Yankee transplant. The transplants assume I’m a redneck who has never left the state. ALL OF THEM assume that I am a man, yet I am a woman with the soul of a trash panda (and not even a young one).
Allow me to clear the air. I was raised in Georgia and I moved to North Carolina 19 years ago — so no, I’m not a Yankee, and I have an Ancestry DNA test to prove it.
WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING?
I went to Boston College and studied neuroscience. As a neuroscientist (also known as a neurobiologist) I specialize in a branch of biology that deals in the physiology and molecular biology of neurons. I get paid so much that Mayor Massengill asks me for money, and I’m like, “I don’t know, Blake, you still owe me a good mill.”
When I’m not curing brain stuff, I’m getting paid for my feet pics (but I cater to a specific crowd).
It might be a surprise to you, but all of that is lies. I’m a writer Dubai housewife.
WHY DID YOU MOVE TO FUQUAY?
Hold on to your butts — when I first moved to NC we actually lived in Cary. We moved to Fuquay in 2007 because I’m the type of person who routinely goes to the dermatologist for skin checks instead of chemical peels and my price point on wine is generally pretty low.
I like Southern Wake for its mix of new and old, country and suburbs, Todds and Bubbas. Polar opposites lead to the most entertaining fights on Facebook, available 24/7. We’re now getting our own Target, so …
WOULD YOU CONSIDER STARTING A MEME PAGE FOR MY TOWN?
Probably not, and I’ll tell you why. I often get fussed out for ignoring Wake Forest, Durham, Clayton, or Morrisville. There’s a reason I ignore them: I honestly don’t know enough about them to do the town justice (that’s a lie — they’re just boring and Wake Forest might as well be in the Pacific Northwest).
Saying that, I haven’t lived everywhere (neuroscientist jobs are few and far between) and I can only go on what my readers send me. If you’d like to start a meme page for your own town, I’d be happy to help you (that’s also a lie, I simply don’t have the bandwidth). But to fully answer your question, it would feel like a betrayal to Fuquay and all I hold dear. Also, if I can do it, you can too. Maybe. I mean, you won’t be as funny as me, but dreams are important.
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